


Into Her Own New Light

by the_rck



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, Introspection, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:14:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24209536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_rck/pseuds/the_rck
Summary: Sabotaging an Academy student was and is treason, but all caring civilian parents did it. The Hokage knew, but he believed that it was accidental, just a natural difference in expectations between civilian culture and ninja culture. If he'd ever admitted that it was deliberate, he'd have had to execute a fairly large portion of the civilian population, enough of them to destroy the village.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 97
Collections: Exchange no Jutsu 2020





	Into Her Own New Light

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MyoJinMjolnir](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyoJinMjolnir/gifts).



> Title from Matthew Shenoda's poem, "Traces." I altered the pronoun.

Sakura grew up in the shadow of people she would never-- could never-- meet. An older brother. Three cousins. Several children of her parents' friends or of their friends' friends. A house fire here, an unsupervised swimming expedition there. Children simply vanished when no one was looking. 

Bad things-- lethal things-- happened to dirty, careless, or unsupervised children in Konoha.

The Uchiha were much better at finding lost clan kids fast than they were at finding kids like Sakura. Mostly, when they closed the cases on Sakura's missing peers, there was a death certificate attached.

And some cases never got closed at all.

Many years later, Sakura would understand that the Uchiha were sabotaged. Someone else chose to let them save the clan children. Most of them. At least the ones taken before the Massacre.

Children of school age were mostly safe but only mostly. If they excelled physically-- by any standards-- and could use chakra, they remained at risk for two or three years after they started school.

Sabotaging an Academy student was and is treason, but all caring civilian parents did it. The Hokage knew, but he believed that it was accidental, just a natural difference in expectations between civilian culture and ninja culture. If he'd ever admitted that it was deliberate, he'd have had to execute a fairly large portion of the civilian population, enough of them to destroy the village.

Sakura never excelled physically. She wanted to. She wanted to be a shinobi, and her mother never said no. Mebuki just made the path harder in ways that slid under the notice of Sakura's teachers. Sakura's clothing, Sakura's meals, Sakura's social interactions, her mother skewed all of them to protect her daughter.

The Village Hidden in Leaves ate the children of civilian families. It always had. It had taken Mebuki's first child, and she wanted her daughter to live.

Sakura could find another dream.

****

Sakura was a shinobi. Wave let her know that her assumptions, her mother's instructions, were wrong, but it also let her know that the universe did not care that she was young and unprepared. She could step up, or she could die.

Sakura was a shinobi. Walking away from her team was never an option. Kakashi-sensei was a piss-poor teacher for a genin like her, but he wasn't wrong-- Those who abandon their comrades are worse than scum. 

Sakura might be far behind, but she had always been good at learning. She just needed to find the right books and follow the instructions. The Academy didn't use books to guide physical development, but Sakura assumed that those books must exist.

They did. There were even books like that aimed at civilians that were in no way access restricted. Sakura picked up several and felt a little smug about the fact that she wasn't starting as far back as _that_. The smugness shattered when she realized that the instructions in most books ran completely counter to everything Sakura's mother had told her about being feminine and attractive.

Sakura needed three hours to consider that dichotomy. That had more to do with accepting that her mother sabotaged her-- possibly intentionally-- than with any belief that the books might be lying to her. Sakura knew that people lied; Sakura knew that books lied. She just couldn't come up with a reason why these books would all tell the same lies on this particular topic.

She could think of many reasons why her mother might not want her to be a shinobi. She couldn't think of any reason why fitness books aimed at civilians might lie about calorie requirements, nutritional recommendations, or the need for pushing physical limits. She was pretty clear that that last included sweat and aching muscles and destroyed clothing.

Once she was thinking about it, she could see half a dozen occasions when her mother tried to persuade her to drop out of the Academy, and she realized that her mother's initial enthusiasm about Kakashi-sensei as a teacher had more to do with his track record for failing teams than with his reputation as a skilled shinobi.

Six months before Sakura graduated, her father had begun talking enthusiastically about the opportunities he'd found in the Genin Corps. Years later, Sakura would put that together with the fact that career genin had a longer life expectancy than genin chasing promotions did.

After Wave, Sakura was still determined to be a shinobi.

It wouldn't be pretty. It wouldn't be fast. She couldn't possibly let her parents find out that she was doing it. She wasn't sure how to make that work. There were plenty of places where she could run and exercise and all of that. She had time. Lots of it. Kakashi-sensei being late had to be useful for something.

She just had no idea where she could change her clothes before and after or where she could shower. Lying about messy D ranks would work a few times because a lot of D ranks involve mud and slime and worse, but her mother would start asking questions eventually. She didn't have any female friends she'd trust to help, and the idea of asking Naruto or Sasuke was mortifying. 

The idea of asking anyone at all was mortifying. She knew she'd have to, eventually, but it was a harder thing than she'd ever tried before. Realizing that she might die in Wave had nearly drowned her, but it had only been a few moments of terror, here and there. She could put it aside as having been temporary. 

Embarrassment, however, could last decades, until she was as old as her parents. Maybe until she was as old as the Hokage. She didn't know anyone older than that.

She didn't want to ask Iruka-sensei, but she decided that, if she couldn't think of anyone better soon, she would. She didn't think he'd tease her or mock her. It was just that she hated admitting that she wasn't really good enough to be considered the top kunoichi of her year.

Fortunately (and unfortunately) the Chunin Exams happened before she could do more than make a few lists. Certainly, she hadn't had time to buy any equipment. She simply had to hope that she could do enough to support Sasuke so that he could be promoted. She doubted that Naruto had any chance at all, and she knew that she wasn't ready to be a chunin.

She was barely a genin.

Once they were out of the Forest of Death, she was smart enough to realize that, even if she'd graduated from the Academy as a taijutsu expert with Naruto's level of stamina, she couldn't have stopped Orochimaru. Her being weak didn't _help_ , of course, but she would accept survival as enough and prepare to do better next time.

Much as Sakura wished that she could believe that Orochimaru was in the Forest of Death just to cause chaos, she knew he didn't happen on them accidentally. Chance would have been less frightening than the idea that she might die because a monster was targeting the boy standing next to her, but Orochimaru had very definitely targeted Sasuke.

Later, not even all that long after, Sakura would realize that she and Naruto were the only ones who thought that standing next to Sasuke would be safe. Orochimaru had simply not been on anyone's list of expected threats. They'd all expected Itachi. For Sakura, there wasn't much difference in the risks. She and Naruto could be no more of an inconvenience to one of them than to the other. 

But Sakura didn't have time to consider that until after she and Ino fought. If she had--

If she had, it wouldn't have changed anything at all. Probably. Well, Sakura would probably have dissolved into a puddle of despair during the preliminaries, and Ino'd have gone on to the finals without having to fight at all.

Sakura would never tell Ino that she thought it was lucky that they knocked each other out because neither of them were ready for the finals. After those words, Ino'd never have spoken to her again.

Instead, she showed up at Ino's house two days after their fight and invited her to go for a run. "We shouldn't let the boys get too far ahead," Sakura said, "and it's not like any of them-- or our senseis-- will have time for us until after the finals."

"We don't need them," Ino replied.

They both had a lot of ground to make up, so Sakura felt relief wash over her as they started running. They'd get stronger together.


End file.
